Facing the Fear of Abandonment

The fear of abandonment, for many of us, is very real. We live in the belief that whomsoever we love or need (sometimes we make it one and the same) will eventually leave us. The mere thought of such a situation causes a familiar tightening in the chest and throat area as we prepare to manipulate our way back into our loved one’s good graces.

Being born with Jupiter in my twelfth house, I came into this existence with fear of abandonment issues. It is said that persons born with Jupiter in this placement felt a distance and a sense of abandonment since in the womb, so twelfth house Jupiters like me have this fear amplified. Twinned to this fear is the need to please everyone. We try to make people we meet like us and end up being distraught when we fail at it. After all, we were trying to achieve the impossible. Perhaps it goes back to us believing that if we can make everyone love, or even like us, then the fear of being abandoned lessens since at least one will end up joining us for the long ride. Resultantly, we attract narcissists into our lives or end up in very early marriages that more often than not, turn out to be disasters. We live, not knowing why our relationships do not work out even when we give and give so much, all the while trying to quell the fear that we have not yet recognized.

The lucky ones figure it out sooner than later and others perhaps after two or three failed marriages and countless disastrous relationships. Many times it is one of these relationships, perhaps the one that we gave the most of ourselves to but ended in failure that pulls the trigger.

Slowly, as part of an awakening process, we come to the realization that we ought not to harbor the fear of abandonment. We get to know our Inner Being and discovers that it never leaves us, never forsakes us, and only wants the best for us. As the relationship with our Higher Selves grows, and as we do the required shadow work, that fear lessens and eventually disappears.

We meet our Inner Being through quiet thought or meditation or prayer or chanting, it does not matter, since the connection is all that we seek, allowing for the things that do not serve us to fall away be they people, or habits or beliefs.

This separation then creates the space for our connection to Source Energy, where there exists another level of attachment that makes our initial fear of abandonment by lowly mortals feel like child’s play!

So whenever you hear someone say, “I don’t need anyone, I have myself”, if that ‘myself’ is the ‘I-self’ that person has found the source of everlasting love.